Farewell

God, I've been so fucking foolish.
With eyes of a child.
Naive.
And not with brains to think.
Running blindly after something
Yet no idea of what happens next.
No way to accomplish whatever it is
That tugs at my heart.
In itself, what a foolish thing.
And in pairing with imaginations
It's left me constantly yearning.
Restless.
To chase a creature I will never catch
No matter how true my intent.
I cannot save one
When you know not where to start.
Where one heartbreak ends
And another discord begins.
Such a fool.
Such a waste.
All because of some dreams
Left on repeat.
They were not calling to you.
They need nothing from you.
What could you possibly provide
That they do not already possess?
Foolish girl.
There will never be a sudden knock.
No happening upon.
No secret meeting where the moss sphinx sits.
No moments of surprise.
No minute between.

In their world,
You don't even exist.
They are decades ahead
And you are a few behind.
There is no magic
Nor will there ever be
To bring you close to me.
I hope you find the healing you need
I know now I'll never be able to give.
I hope you'll find the kindred friendship
I've held so long thinking it was mine to bear.
Foolish foolish heart.

Give up now.
Lay to rest this endless dream.
Say goodbye
To Grey Wolf.
To Dreamstalker.

Farewell, John.

This feeling I can't shake
pushes and pulls me to and fro.
I want to pursue this.
explore this.
discover - whatever this is.
This constant draw
to a force I have yet to encounter.
Sailing upon the auroras of slumber,
yet another dream comes to me.
Casting nets made of fresh spun silver
In attempts to catch a dying star.
Rekindle the light of life
Remind you how to breathe in a suffocating world.

I don't believe in this.
Psychic connections.
Transcendental euphorium.
Feelings.
For feelings are great deceptors.
Feelings often lie.
But instinct.
Nature.
Intuition.

Never does.

Soul call

Always waiting.
Always hoping.
Searching.
Seeking.
Still and silent.
Calling soul to soul.
No control.
Feeling restless.
Destiny.
But the path is hid from me.
Is it just mere fantasy?
Or is this call to aid to be?
Kindred, do you need of me?
Dearest, please come find me.

It hurts so much
this pain in my chest.
Longing.
Alluring.
God, I feel possessed.
Wishing.
Wanting.
Hoping that perchance,
this feeling that has overtaken me
will soon be put to rest.
I feel the need
the calling
to do some great work of will.
But it seems to be mere fantasy
and it leaves my soul so ill.

Bust

I hope the day finally comes when I have my wish granted.
I can't wait til the day arrives and this infernal nonsense my soul desires is finally met with the lackluster it deserves.
In that moment, I hope it realizes it's all been for nought.
Another dashed dream for the pile already on fire.
Another bright star burned out in the dimming twilight that is reality.
Another bust in a bubble I once felt destined for definition.
No more foolish childlike nonsense.
No more unreachable illogical fantasy to chase after.
Eight long years.
Eight years of a screaming desire that I know not what it accomplishes but to make me feel as if I am overboard in the sea of insanity.
It's been eight pleading years since Great Spirit breathed upon me visions and sown into me these feelings.
Showed me your face.
Your spirit.
Pulled back the veil I never asked for and gave me the gift of foresight.
But for what purpose?
To chase in a circle of confusion at whether I am simply deranged
Or if I should believe wholeheartedly in this calling - this destiny - at which you have orchestrated to have me fulfill?
Nightly, you rip me from by slumber in the early morning hours:
Heart racing.
Blood pumping.
Soul screaming to meet my purpose.
And yet, many moons have passed and seasons changed with nothing to prove that this is path is true.
You call to me in my dreams, asking what it is I wait for and the only answer I can give is you.
Creator, I am tired and weary of chasing shadows.
I pray the day finally comes where I prove to be useful.
For the day that it doesn't, I'll know it's all been a lie.
I'll finally know I've just been insane.

Hello again Stranger,
I hope you are well in the waking world.
I hope wherever you might be, the tides of fresh sunlight warm you as they wash over your embellished skin.
I hope the chill of winter doesn't bite but refresh your mind with the crisp clarity it brings.
I hope the promise of a new day puts you in good spirits and the troubles of yesterday stay where they belong.
Those warm umber orbs you keep so well veiled look best when they're alight with pleasure. May pleasure find you in the little moments.
My dearest kindered, whatever this day brings, I hope it greets you with it's best. Whatever challenges set out to test you I hope they prove themselves to your favor.
Though we be but worlds apart, in my dreams we are never separate.
I pray the slight connection would be enough to grant this single request.
I pray that in this waking world, you would be warmed and offered only the best.

Night after night you return to me and yet you are still so far from my reach.
In passing, reality sets that this is no mere coincidence and yet in it's very nature I know it to be insanity.
Still, I feel such a strong pull - a connection that defies logic and goes without earthly explanation.
This feeling of entwinement blankets my every thought and leaves my soul aching and yearning for just a single solitary spark.
A brush from chance.
A moment to test whether these feelings are sheer insanity or if by some strange, inconceivable Delphic way, this gravity is true.
And that in some form or another, your heart and mine are very old friends.